I will try not to spoil you with too many blog posts, but I had some thoughts that I let spill out across the keyboard.
Recently, I have been exploring. I have not been swinging from tree tops and looking at sunsets in distant lands over strange emerald cliffs. I have not gone to a new art gallery nor have I ventured down a previously unfamiliar walking trail. I have not been listening to new music or going to visit new businesses, and I have not started a new book, though I ought to. No, I have done none of these things that one might normally associate with exploring. Instead, I have been exploring the wonderful world of how to pay my bills.
First off, I would like to preface this by saying I am in no way in need right now. Between my wife and myself, our income covers our expenses quite nicely. And, if covering our expenses was the dream I aspired to, then I would be done. But therein lies the problem, it is not the dream. It is a necessity in our society, perhaps the base layer of expectations that run beneath all of my true dreams. In truth, and for perspective, it is a first-world, middle-class problem; however, I still dream of something I do not have.
If it were up to me, and it most often is not, I would write with my time allocated for work. I would hone my craft over the next year and finally release a book, maybe two. Then I would work harder, I would write a third and fourth novel, all in the hopes that one year I might outpace Brandon Sanderson in production. I dream big. But as it stands, I have yet to defeat Mr. Sanderson in a word-count duel.
People often say to count your blessings, but I believe there is a balance in all things. You have to count both your blessings and be mindful of your wants. We are blessed to have a home to live in, but I want to pay off my mortgage before I retire. We are blessed to have cars, but I would love to not have a car note for the first time. I was blessed to go to college, but it would be great if I could close out my college debt before my own son goes to college. See, all things have a balance, a basement and a balcony if you will.
I have well accepted my blessings, all too willingly, but I have struggled to achieve many of my more contemporary wants. It seems that money is the primary blood upon which the heart of one’s time pumps and time is the blood which the heart of one’s desires pumps. To complete the metaphor, my desires have a high pulse, yet my time is lacking. So, as you may have guessed, if you are still reading after that strange pile of words, this has sent me exploring, evaluating, and searching for a means to an end.
I have seen videos of young moguls making thousands of dollars doing some kind of internet inversion therapy marketing, or stories of others who write with that special typing talent known as Search Engine Optimization. They draw in crowds of hundreds to hundreds of thousands through their funnels, make them click, make some buy, and make themselves rich, or at least better off. Whether it is affiliate marketing, drop shipping, content creation, copywriting, an Etsy store, print-on-demand products, or any other online pursuit, I have watched a “How To,” video in recent days. This is where my exploration has taken me.
My current “career,” is not bad. I work in finance. At one point, I thought very highly of my job. But, since getting married and having a son, I think very little of it. In fact, I would like to think less of it. I suppose my exploring is more rooted in the desire to choose how I spend my time and where I dedicate my mental faculties. I am not quiet quitting, I am just doing my job dreaming of the day I get to turn in my notice and count down to the rest of my life. It feels like I am on a wheel, turning over and over, the constructs of big business in an ever-consuming society burning out colleague after colleague. When did I get stuck? How did I end up here in the first place?
I have a great life by all measures, so this is not a complaint. Rather, I am formulating a plan, a “next step,” if you will. I bought a table saw, $250 that the wife approved of, and I started my hand at woodworking. I had always imagined that one day when I have found the success I desire as a writer, I might pick up woodworking as a hobby. Then, I saw a few youtube videos and searched through Etsy to find out some people make a good honest living by turning simple boards into simple boxes with a few twists and decorative flourishes. I have yet to complete my first box, but I am learning.
If I am being honest, I did put the cart a few hundred feet before the horse. I had imagined a small shop that turned out floating shelves and planter boxes by the dozens each day and made enough money in a simple “side gig,” to make it the main income. But, I realized, as much as it pained me to admit, woodworking takes skill. Skill I have yet to develop and hone. There is a process, and to be honest, that process is much more enjoyable when I am not thinking about how I can turn around and sell the end product. I am currently halfway through my first project, a beam-look mantle for our home, and I am happy to make it.
So I continued my exploration. It brought me next to Amazon fulfillment. I had some friends that went down this path. They sourced products, imported them from overseas, had them delivered to the Amazon warehouse, put together their marketing, paid their fees, and started to push their product. However, I believe that their Amazon fulfillment business fell among the majority in the end, closing out as an experience rather than a viable career. I watched a handful of videos, saw the risk involved with moving actual products, and decided I was not willing to invest in a risk like that.
My exploration then brought me to drop shipping, but the margins were paper thin on many things. I have ideas, interesting ones for various stores or designs, but I am a jack of these trades, not a master. Several more videos, two blog posts, and a handful of fulfillment site reviews later and I had decided that this one was not for me either.
Still searching for my glass slipper, I turned to the ads that started to pop up. It was interesting that once I started looking at online businesses and so-called side hustles how many of them found me. I watched a video on affiliate marketing. It was promising but would take time. I watched a video on copywriting. I have tried that before and found it boring. I then watched the ad video for another business opportunity in which I would build a niche brand and focus my affiliate marketing. Finally, there was a content creator strategy guide that outlined how to expand an audience across platforms and earn ad revenue. The ideas were interesting, but they all seemed so singular and small compared to what I would rather be doing.
Was I meant for writing fantasy? Or, did I choose this at some point? If I had chosen an Etsy store or perhaps an affiliate marketing blog, would I have had success by now? Could I have been a different version of Mr. Beast or Disguised Toast if I had picked up streaming or started shooting videos? I find myself asking questions, trying to wrap purpose around the current results of my recent exploration. I know I am capable of many things, but I am not really capable of dedicating myself wholeheartedly to many things. I can imagine a life where I turn on my computer, check my sales, and write a fancy-optimized post about the next great weight loss program. And as comfortable and free as that life might seem, it is not what I really want. It, like my current job, would only be a means to an end.
There is a thing in writing where they say you need to learn to kill your darlings. The darlings are little bits of prose in stories that you grow to like or love. However, they either don’t work with the story or are unnecessary. I suppose that has been part of the exploration process, learning what pursuits are unnecessary. Or, more apropos, which pursuits just don’t work in my story.
Ultimately, all of the business ideas aside, the next step seems to be a quiet one. It is an ever-working persistence at building an audience for my writing. The diligent, yet fun, the process of honing my skills and editing relentlessly until I sculpt the final part of a chapter. And sure, I may dabble in blogging or other online business ideas, but my true passion lies in the stories I am writing.
Nathaniel Writes 